part twenty-five: dismantle.repair

my myspace profile song [dismantle.repair by anberlin] makes me wonder about thingss.the title realy makes me think.sometimes you have to be broken, to be fixed.sometimes you have to have yer heart dismantled,to learn what you need to learn [& be repaired]sometimes you have to stop being friends with someone,so you can learn to be seperate from eachother,andd then the friendship is repaired & better than before.i have no idea if this makes sense or not.:/

hmmm?

part twenty-four: step outside yerself

i think every day, we should all stop for a minute,and take a look at whats happening around us,and see some of what is going on in the rest of the world,not just our own little bubbles of it.haha.ive been doing that for a while.kindasorta.its where all my blogs come from.lol.just take a minute to see whats REALY going onin someone elses life.and try to understand how they truly feel.does that make any sense?

part twenty-three: real vs. fake

or original vs. poser.theres like 6 billion people in the world,you probably didnt come up with something before EVERYONE else.someone else is bound to have the same idea sometime.what gives us the right to look down on peoplebecause they're "fake"?and what gives us the right to distinguish them as"real" or "fake"?and if copying someone makes you a poser,then we're all posers.so if calling me "fake" makes you feel better about yerself,then thats sad. but if you honestly think im fake,i dont realy care.and if you have something to say about me,say it to my face please.but honestly, think whatever helps you sleep at night...

[ill add more later]

part twenty-two: caring

'Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.'-albert camus
i party agree with mr. camus. some people truly do want you to be honest with them, but other people dont.i think it depends on who yer talking to, and how truly honest yer willing to be with that person.when do you honestly care more about anyone,than you care about yerself?
that is the question.and if you have an answer,let me know. :]

part twenty-one: maturity

i'm only fourteen, so i shouldnt exactly be the one to tell you about maturity.i have fun being immature sometimes.:].its pretty great actually,andd im only fourteen.i dont exactly HAVE to grow up yet.but sometimes the immature things that people doREALLY bug me.
for instance:if yer gonna call me 425235 times,at 2:30 in the morning,from a restricted number,and not say anything when i answer the phone,just stop.i dont care who you are,or how you got my number,just stop calling me, or leave me a freaking voicemail!andd when i ask why yer calling me,dont just call me a bitch, k?give a good reason.yer not worth my minutes anyways.and if you wana talk shit about me,say it to my face,not to yer best friend,or to yer diary.tell me!andd from an unblocked number, please.
:]btww, i'd appreciate it if you dont give my number out. if they wanna know, tell them to ask me, or ask me if you can tell them. kthx.:]]]

part twenty: the truth vs. the lies

if people are being stupid, and starting drama about yer best friend,what do you do?do you just automatically believe what that person told you,and turn on yer best friend?or do you ask yer friend their side of the story?dont always believe what you hear!people like to lie & start stuff.telling the truth might be alot harder in some situations,but its pretty much always the right thing to do.andd usually, lying gets you in alottt of trouble.i could say that i hate liars,and i've never lied in my life,but that would make me a realy big hypocrite.considering everything thats happened in my life,i've realized that telling truth is always the best thing to do,even if it hurts the person hearing it.and owning up to something is wayyy better than just lying about it.andd everyone lies sometimes.they might say they never do,but go look at their myspace for instance.their pictures may not be photoshopped,but dont you think that they took them from the best possible angle?thats kinda lyinggg.andd pretty much everyone does it.i'll always try to be as honest with you as i can,but sometimes its kinda hard.and usually, honesty REALY is the best policy.
afasfasfasf.we're human.we lie.we make mistakes.we talk crap about people.its what we do.but if we own up to it,it'll might make whatever you did a little less bad.who knows. its three in the morning,and i dont know what im talking about anymore.ill fix this later.:]
ilyy!

part eighteen: appearance & materialism

i dont know exactly who i am or what i want to be,but im getting closer to figuring it out.the blogs of stephen/esteban christian have really made me think,and reevaluate everything i thought i knew about this world we live in.
i honestly dont care where i get my clothes.i used to, but now i realize that it's a pretty pointless thing to obsess over.i don't care as much about how i look either.im tired of living in a world based on appearance & materialism.i mean, sure i like to look "pretty"but i dont care about it as much as i used to.besides, why spend $12 dollars on a stick of eyeliner,when you could get one just as good for $1?andd in other countries,farmers get paid 2/3 of that to sell their daughter to sexual slavery.why do we buy things that are more expensive when we could buy things of the same caliber at a lower price? to prove that we're better than someone else because we can afford it?to rub it in the faces of the sick, starving children that we're better than them?i no longer understand that.i used to do that,but now i dont see the point.if you have all that money,buy the cheaper thing,and donate the money you saved to a charity.help someone else, rather than just being selfish.the eleven dollars you saved from buying the cheaper eyeliner could probably feed a starving family in another country for a month or more.how does that make you feel?

part eighteen: stephen christian

i think everyone should know who he is. he doesn't just inspire me because he's the lead singer of anberlin [my favorite band]. he inspires me because of the way he thinks, the way he writes, and the way he sings. i love his music, not only because of his singing, but because of the honesty in the LYRICS! he inspires me to truly be myself, and not anyone else. he makes me think, and i love that. hes absolutely amazing. if you think i'm a good writer, you have got to read his blogs! they are absolutely incredible! im not even kidding you! go read them! they make me think about things that i normally woudnt even know about.
he inspires me to change the world!
stephen christian's blog

part seventeen: inspiration

in.spi.ra.tion [noun]
1. an aspiring or animating action or influence.
2. something inspired, as an idea.
3. a result of inspired activity.
4. a thing or person that inspires.
5. theology
a. a devine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul.
b. the devine quality of the writings or words of a person so influenced.
6. the act of inspiring; quality or state of being inspired.


inspiration is everywhere.we find it in our experiences,our dreams,and everything in between.
so find someone or something that inspires you,and use it to keep you going in the right direction.
:]

part sixteen: places

you know how when someone dies,after you've lived with them for a long time,how wherever you go in that place you think of everything that happened there?or if you get in a fight with one of yer parents,the longer that yer in the place it happened,the more you think about it,and the more you want to get out of that place?

part fifteen: above the influence

why waste yer life on alcohol and drugs?one minute you could be here, and the next you could be dead.i'm proud to say that i've never done drugs or drank alcohol.[& i never will.]want some facts?click each link for information.:]
alcohol
cocaine & crack
ecstacy
ghb
hallucinogens/acid
heroin
inhalants
ketamine
marijuana/pot
meth
prescription & otc drugs
rohypnol/roofies
steroids
tobacco

part fourteen: plastic surgery

i dont think any of us are old enough to really be considering plastic surgery,but it is a really serious thing.i mean, look what happened to michael jackson!and ashlee simpson.its normal to not be in love with the way you look,but if you think you need plastic surgery to feel good about yerself,then wow.but unless - yer like carmit from the pussycat dolls, and were born with a facial deformity- you got in an accident, and want to look the way you did before- you have a life-threatening disease in your face or on yer bodythen you probably shouldnt get plastic surgery.unless you want it more than anything in the world,and yer parents will let you do it.

part thirteen: dreams and reality

the things I've been saying aren't exactly nice,but they're formed from the way I see the world.and let's face it, the truth hasn't ever been the easiest thing to swallow.

part twelve: presentation

i don't like how some people present themselves to the world. they wear things to show off their bodies, like people don't already know what they have.I think that if you dress inappropriately, and act inappropriately, people aren't going to treat you all that great.and guys will just use you for sex, and lower your self esteem.then you'll just sit there wondering why you can't find what you're really looking for.guys will have started looking past your personality & feelings,and just paying attention to your body.it's terrible, but true. I've seen it happen.

part eleven: kindergarten

taylor came up with this ..but we like developed it further ..but pretty much everything goes back to kindergarten.these are my words & thoughts about it ..when you're a teenager, it's all about people stealing boyfriends instead of Barbie dolls and crayons.instead of competing for who can run the fastest on the playground, we compete for who can get the farthest with most guys.instead of competing for who can say their abc's the best, we compete for who can break down the most people in the worst possible way.

part ten: feelings

I just hate when people are trying to make someone feel better,and are just like,"I know how you feel, its going to be okay"cause I don't think that you can truly know the depth & intensity of something someone is feeling.like .. you can understand their feelings,but you can never know EXACTLY how they feel.

part nine: expect the unexpected

there may be someone you don't like at all ..someone you wouldn't ever think you could be friends with ..one day, year friends may not be there for you,but that one unexpected person may be.so be nice to people, even if you don't think to highly of them.one day when the world walks out on them,they may desperately need you to walk in and save them.

part eight: perspective

I think life is about how you look at it.everyone sees life differently.if we all saw life the same way, we'd all agree with each other on everything,there wouldn't be anything to talk about ..cause everyone would already know what you're thinking about ..and life would just be BORING!lol.

part seven: its all from the heart

everything I say, except when I'm mad, or in a really bad mood, comes from my heart.I love the way I don't have to force out the words, they just come out on their own.:]I know that some of you reading this may not understand it,but one day you will.I think it's a maturity/intensity/depth thing.and eventually, you'll understand.

part six: friends

friends are there for you forever.they might screw up a few times, or many times, but they're still there for you at the end of the day.you may get in fights, and get mad at each other, but they'll still love you nonetheless.they'll stay up and talk to you at 3 in the morning, when you can't seep because you're crying so hard, and nobody else cares enough listen.

part five: all time low

once you hit rock bottom, all things can do are get better.there's nothing else that can go wrong, nothing more to bring you down, or so they say. but how do you know when you get there?

part four: life

if only you were in my head...to understand how I feel about things, & to know exactly what I've been through.it would make life ALOT easier.that way I wouldn't be misunderstood.but I think misunderstanding & interpretation are what makes life interesting.and everything happens for a reason...whether we want it to or not.we learn from every experience.we figure out more of who we are, and our role in this dream called life.we realize what we're here for.some people say... "we're just here to live and die, so live on the wild side ..."but I don't believe that.if that were true, do you really think that people would live to be 103 years old?I don't.:/right now, I don't know exactly what we're living for, but I know there has to be something.and I'm going to keep living till I find out.live.laugh.learn.love. <3

part three: rain

I want it to rain really badly.for some reason, I just want to run around in the rain...like I'm the only one in the world...and nobodies watching through their windows, wondering what I'm doing.I don't care if I start crying, I believe that it's all part of the process.I just want to be out there.and bare my soul to the world.

part two: love

I can never give up on love. but for now, I'm just going to leave it alone.that's going to be kind of hard though, because love is EVERYWHERE.I don't know exactly what it is, or how it feels.because there are so many definitions of it, how are you supposed to separate the lies from the reality?I think that if so many people write about it, sing about it, talk about it, and think about it, love must be something worth finding.and without it, what would we be?absolutely nothing. without love, we'd have nothing to live for.also...I really think that if you love someone, and they love you, no matter how many other people you date, or fall in "love" with, you always come back to each other.

part one: finding myself

hi. I'm heather. I'm fourteen years young.threes more to me than meets the eye.I like using big words because I actually know what they mean.I'm in the process of finding out who I really am.I don't want to be like the rest of the crowd. I'm learning to be the best person I can be.not with alcohol, drugs, or sex, but with my mind, body, heart & soul.it's a scary world out there.and in the end, all you have to save yourself from it is YOU.nobody is going to be around forever.you have to trust yourself, make the best choices you can, and hope for the best.some things you'll HAVE to decide on your own, and nobody can help you at all.so if you depend on your friends to get you through everything, what are you going to do when they're gone or can't help?

life, love & inspiration

I'm tired of writing what I think .. and people not truly understanding it.here are some things I truly believe.you don't have to agree, but it would be nice if you'd listen.start with part one.& keep reading.:]